A leaked report has revealed that English Heritage intend to move the Stones from the current location closer to the new visitor centre. Visitors currently have to travel some 2km by land train to the Stone Circle and it makes perfect commercial sense to make the monument more accessible to visitors. All plans are subject to approved planning permission
A recent customer survey also revealed that 95% of 2014 visitors ‘agree’ or strongly agree’ that it would be a better experience if the Stones were closer to the souvenir shop, toilets, cafe and museum. This would also reduce carbon footprint and save valuable sightseeing time.
Local archaeologists support the idea and would give archaeological evidence as to how the Stones were moved in the first place. They would use ancient skills and technologies and could utilise the volunteers from the Neolithic house project. Concerns have now been raised about the ancient monuments act of 1913, but experts are confident a solution could be found.
Davinvi Construction, the current contractor who are completing the landscape restoration work said it would make sense to move the Stones this summer whilst they have heavy plant machinery and skilled labour on site, although it may be tricky moving some of the larger rocks, they added.
Circular stadium seats could surround the monument during the busy Solstice events and even a 3D simulation of the sunset and sunrise could amaze audiences from around the world. Suggestions of a glass roof covering the entire monument could overcome the poor weather conditions often experienced on the Solstice and guarantee a perfect sunrise every time.
Larkhill Commanding Officer Will Ruinit was delighted to hear the latest proposal and can now fast track the MOD plans to erect watch towers and a new missile base on the Solstice ‘sun gap’ alignment without further protests.
At time of going to press local Druid, King Arthur was unavailable for comment but a spokesman quoted “He will definitely not be happy.”
Have your say
There will be an opportunity to voice your concerns at the ‘Who’d a Thought It Inn’ Lockeridge, near Marlborough on April 8th. See you next Tuesday.
Please send you comments and feedback to Aprilfool@gottcha.com